


Sugar

by Peperonios



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: ????????, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, idontwhattotagthistbh, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-01-10 22:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18417227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peperonios/pseuds/Peperonios
Summary: Jungeun's incapability to open up about her personal problems affects her friendship with her manager and friend, Haseul.





	1. Monthly Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the slow start, it will definitely get faster. I try to set the setting early, sorry once again! Also, let me warn you, this will be a REALLY slow story in terms of building the greatness that is LipSeul. Every other pairing is fair game. Feel free to leave suggestions and thoughts, I do take them into consideration!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Indents are thoughts, just a preface before you guys read.

Jungeun sat at the corner of the gloss stained communal table, her ash-gray hair lazily put up in a ponytail, sitting as far as possible from the other end closest to the serving counter. The table was positioned vertically, thus perpendicular to serving counter, facing directly at the entrance of the tea house. The table was positioned just close enough to the shop's right wall, so those who sat at the table's right side could find themselves leaning against the wall as the table's backless seats left no comfort for one's back. It was a pretty popular seating choice for students as they took advantage of the vast space to sprawl out their textbooks and papers . Jungeun took a second to study the table and took note of how dirty it was. There were small lines of cracks throughout the table and Jungeun could see dust and fried crumbs hidden within them.  _ Damn, who cleaned the lobby last night? _  She pursed her lips, eyes widened as she looked in pseudo-shock as if to dramatize. The sudden realization hit her, followed along by a chuckle, "Oh wait, that was me." Her laugh came to a halt as she felt the eyes of her co-workers, "Sorry," she tucked her head and legs in her carmine red hoodie as she pulled her hoodie strings, allowing only her eyes and up to be seen. 

Small conversations could be heard throughout the store, discussions varying from excitement to awkward chatter, before the noise of keys halted all conversations. Jungeun noticed everyone's eyes turn over to the entrance though Jungeun didn't bother, her eyes instead paid attention to the other side of the store where potted plants hung from hoops that stuck out from the white wall and light bulbs hung down from the ceiling. She wasn't the longest working person there but she worked long enough to already know who it was and why she was late. She nodded proudly as she guessed correctly. There was Jo Haseul, their manager, fumbling wildly to unlock the door as she repeatedly bowed her hooded head to the people inside in apology. It didn't take long for Haseul to enter and pull back her hoodie, her short hair stood out just above her shoulders. "Sorry I'm late!" Jungeun mouthed along. It was practically repeated almost every meeting yet no one else seemed to be bothered, except Jungeun herself. Yet despite the fact that Haseul was late, it always fascinated Jungeun how incredibly nice the former always seemed to look. A simple unzipped olive green hoodie with a plain white t-shirt worn underneath while ripped washed jeans hugged her legs tightly, and regardless of its simplicity, Jungeun couldn't help to note how  _ good _ her manager looked though she took caution in complimenting. "I had to feed my dog, apologies," Haseul bowed her head to each of her staff, each bow accompanied by a short bounce of her hair, as she scurried her way to the vacant seat at the opposite end of Jungeun. "Should we start?" She asked, looking around to ensure everyone's full attention was on her.

Just like most meetings, Jungeun didn't bother to pay attention to what was being discussed besides simply adding agreements when called upon. Most of her attention came to the look of the cafe and how every minor detail, like where the tables were placed, made this place seem so  _ aesthetic _ . Her personal favorite spot were the table bars in front of the window panes, that filled up the entrance side with a single entrance door being the exception, that allowed those sitting to see cars zoom left and right and passersby all commuting to where they needed to be. Despite how gloomy the sky looked, the dark gray light that came from it, along with the ceaseless yet calming rain, filled the cafe leaving the light level at a dimness that helped create a soothing atmosphere for those to study. It was always a peaceful scenery of everyone involved as they minded their own business and, for Jungeun, she got to just stare without most people noticing. She liked spending most of her time just staring out the window, for it allowed her to escape the dreadfulness of her reality and - "Alright, meeting's over. Thank you guys." Shaking herself back to reality, Jungeun looked around to see everyone else bowing their head to Haseul before rising from their seats. Jungeun did the motions, as a turtle would do when it would come out its shell, to take her head and legs out from her jacket and just like everyone else, she bowed her head to Haseul. She tilted over to a co-worker and long time friend, the ever so cheerful and bubbly, Kim Ji Woo and quickly whispered, "What was the meeting about?" Her eyes squinted shifting left and right mischievously.  

"Dontchu worry, I got it written down." Jiwoo always talked in a cutesy tone that definitely didn't fit her age, though her age didn't seem to match her personality either so Jungeun stopped bothering about it a while ago. Not before long, the latter received a message from "Chuu~~" Jiwoo had chosen her contact name in Jungeun's phone and despite cringing at every moment the contact name popped up on her screen, Jungeun was strictly forbidden to change the name much to her dismay. She whispered back a thanks before skimming through the notes. Jiwoo was just about half the reason she was even working here, having recommended her to Haseul as Jungeun desperately needed a job to both sustain her obsession with clothes and to help keep her mind occupied. Nevertheless, she liked working at the store, and Jiwoo never let her forget who got her the job, for practically all the reasons except working there. The customers, the workers, cooking batches of teas, and the atmosphere was all that kept her from quitting. Making drinks and dealing with customers, however, was Jungeun's bane of her existence.

She sat down on one of the stools that accompanied the table bars in front of the windows. Whilst simultaneously waving bye to her co workers and scrolling through her twitter, Jungeun spotted her newly hired co-worker, Chaewon, leave the store, arms linking, with that regular customer that the former couldn't seem to remember...  _ Hye... shit whatever.  _ She cocked her head in curiosity before shaking her head. "None of my damn business," muttering as she put her attention to the endless memes that covered her phone screen. 

"What's none of your business?" That sweet, ever so calming, voice came from behind her. Jungeun fell in love with that voice the moment she heard it when they met, it was practically ASMR for her every time she heard it. Jungeun slowly, almost dreadfully, turned with the slightest of hopes it wasn't Haseul. It was Haseul.

_ Fuck. _ Jungeun greeted the tiny brunette with a weak smile, "Hey Seul." Understanding what was to happen, she leaned over to the right and gestured for Haseul to sit in the seat left of her. "What uh... brings you here?" Jungeun forced a smile again, eyes shifting awkwardly left and right refusing to match Haseul's eyes. Don't get the former wrong, she loved Haseul.  Haseul was two years older, and it felt like they’d been friends since birth instead of becoming great friends when she started working. Despite all that, Jungeun absolutely hated Manager Haseul.

"Why do you always talk to me so  hm... awkwardly?" Haseul questioned, tilting her head as she tried to find the right word before simply laughing at the circumstance before them. Her arm rose up to support her leaned head. Her body slouched on her stool and yet despite the relaxed nature that Haseul seemed to be in, Jungeun couldn't get rid of the professional aura that the former naturally resonated. Perhaps it was because they were in the cafe that Jungeun couldn't rid herself of the said manner since anytime they hung out anywhere else, Haseul never exerted the same aura she did right now.

"Hm? I'm talking fine. It's cause of this stupid meeting that you scheduled in the morning that I had to wake up early for. I'm probably just groggy, that's all." Jungeun followed up with a fake yawn and a quick nod to support her case. Haseul was always aware of Jungeun's antics and could definitely spot the bs the latter was pulling. Jungeun took note of her manager's eye roll and scoffed, "I'm serious. Got a bad sleep too, you know." Her eyes strayed, pursing her lips as she continued to nod. And in that moment, Haseul immediately took concern as she sat up straight before leaning closer to her gray haired friend. "I'm fine. You know I've been having bad nights for like the last couple months. Nothing to worry about." She was too tired to bother taking in a hundred thousand questions from hers truly.

"First off, check your attitude. It's a little rude." Haseul responded with a pout, the same pout that made Jungeun weak in her knees every time. Grinning in acknowledgement of her rudeness, Jungeun nodded as she bent her head to face the ground and lifted a hand in defeat. "Second, we put the date for the meeting to a vote! Democracy is a thing, Jung!" She invaded the space between them even more, tilting her head to the side as if to taunt Jungeun, before batting her eyes. The brunette sat back up straight to adjust herself in a proper manner as she cleared her throat. "Now. Yes, I am aware you have been having bad nights. I'm upset because you never seem to tell me anything anymore." Haseul let out a hefty sigh, leaning forward again with her arms propped on her knees as they supported her head.

Jungeun matched her friend's sigh, her hands gripped the back of her head in frustration. She hated it when the brunette would complain about not opening up. Yes, Jungeun had opened up to Haseul before,  _ before _ when Jungeun felt no reason to filter words to someone that she barely knew. For her, it was easier to open up to someone that she barely knew simply because they hadn't developed a friendship that could possibly be changed from Jungeun opening up.  _ Now _ , they were good friends, add that along to the fact that Jungeun secretly disagreed with how Haseul managed the cafe and the former eventually closed herself once more. She felt bad for Haseul. She felt bad for letting someone believe they had gotten the trust of a friend only to be let down not so long afterwards. Jungeun couldn't bring herself to explain the complicated system she built to the brunette.  _ Coward _ . She froze in silence, replaying that word over and over. "Yeah..." The same response Jungeun repeated anytime Haseul brought up anything remotely close about opening up. "It's fine. I told you, it's nothing to worry about," She spoke, facing away from the brunette. 

Haseul opened her mouth to speak but the sound of a soft piano melody interrupted any attempt. The brunette sighed once more, her shoulders dropping in disappointment, as she pulled out her phone.  She rolled her eyes once more as she took a look into the caller ID  _ What does he want now?, _ she shook her head before putting her attention on the gray-haired girl. "Jaden's calling. I'll talk to you later." Pushing herself off the stool, Haseul tapped on the green phone symbol and said her hello. Jungeun took it as time for her to leave though she was unsure where her next destination lay, perhaps home to sleep. "Remember you cover Jiwoo's shift tonight!" Jungeun simply nodded without turning, grabbing her umbrella from its stand near the entrance and exiting.

 

\-----------------------------

Jungeun wandered the inner city for what seemed like an hour and the weather began to brighten, the Sun peeking out from the clouds. Her apartment was only a couple minutes walking distance from the tea house but she never liked dwelling inside. Eventually she came to her usual stop, the city’s urban park. She stood at the entrance, a large arch way that was wide enough for masses of tourists and suburban school field trippers to go through in huddled groups. It seemed oddly specific but that was the type of people that Jungeun saw the most around here. Beyond the arch lay a massive concrete pathway that split up into three; the first having been the walking/running trail, the second led to the playgrounds, and the last led to the more green section of the park, though that trail wasn’t really a trail as it was meant for people to just wander. The last trail was the route Jungeun took that day, and each other time before then, for it allowed peace and serenity that Jungeun so desperately sought for, even if it was merely temporary. 

 

Unwrapping a set of wired earphones, Jungeun plugged it in her phone before setting each respective earphones in her ears. She had been given a set of those bluetooth wireless ones for her birthday last year but they always ran out of battery before she could finish her time in the park, so she stuck to the ole good and true wired ones. Jungeun shuffled through her playlists until she ultimately decided to pick a playlist that consisted of her favorite ambient noise, ASMR. 

 

(A/N: Trigger Warning: Depression)

 

Her path became more and more dense as trees began to appear closer as she continued. The never-ending amount of trees and grass always amazed the young gray haired woman, and the scenery above her never ceased to draw upon a calming aura for her. Leaves blocked leaves, all vying for sunlight yet there were enough holes for the sunlight to pass through. The dampness of the soil and puddles that lay throughout was visibly evident, but not like it bothered her anyways as nothing really seemed to bother her anymore actually. Well, except her own life, that is.  _ Jungeun died three days ago _ . She had repeated that phrase every time she was on her walks. The source of that phrase never brought itself into her mind, but it felt like it was her calling to die soon and it put Jungeun in check whenever she thought too far about her future. Jungeun hated the mediocrity of her life and had no passion to aim for higher achievements. She was aware most, like Haseul, would call her lazy but their opinions didn’t matter to her. After all, it was her life and she had the priority in picking out what she wanted to do with it. She tried to explain this to Haseul before, but for some odd reason, the latter could never understand it and, in Jungeun’s eyes, seemed obligated to ‘save’ Jungeun. It bewildered her that Haseul couldn’t seem to understand that she could live, or in this case end, her life how she wanted to. Obviously, suicide was always entertained as an option but, as of yet, the pain of living wasn’t outweighing the pain of dying. She was more terrified of act of dying than she was of actual death. The after-death never scared her, maybe when she was a kid yes, but now? She simply could not believe in the after-death, she saw it was the end and the end seemed like the happiness Jungeun sought.

 

Her thoughts interrupted as droplets began to drip unto Jungeun as she noted that the Sun began to cower behind the clouds once more. The clouds darkened, forming overlapping layers and the sound of thunder boomed throughout the park. Jungeun’s shoulders dropped at the realization that her walk was coming to a quick end.  _ Maybe I get hit by lightning today _ , she amused the thought, earning herself a smirk before making her way back to the entrance. She opened up her umbrella, matching the angle of the rain, as the rain began to gain more traction.  _ Oh! I should turn off ‘do-not-disturb’ _ , a habit Jungeun took as to not be bothered during her walks. The moment she turned it off, a wave of texts, notifications, and missed calls flowed through her screen though none of it took the girl for a surprise, having accustomed herself to this. The most notable ones, today at least, were the ones from Haseul, “Where are you? Jaden didn’t have much to talk about, so I’m out early!”, “Wait you’re probably on your walk, take care!”, and the last message, “Yah, it’s raining again. Don’t be at the park!!!!” And just on time, she got a call from hers truly. As much as she loved hearing Haseul’s voice, she declined the call, opting to text instead, “I’m on my way home. Stop worrying.” She ended up adding a smiley emoji in there to help alleviate the mood before putting her phone back in her pocket, her ears still occupied by her earphones. 

\-----------------------------

“I’m home…” Jungeun muttered to no one in particular, slipping off her now damp sneakers on the square laminated flooring right in front of her apartment entrance. She took off her socks quickly before accurately tossing them into the dirty hamper that stood outside the laundry room to her left. The apartment was a three bedroom one and it wasn’t at all cheap. Jungeun could pay her part due to the fact that Jaden overpaid them, but that wasn’t something Jungeun would ever argue over.

 

The entrance hugged the leftmost part of the wall, and as you entered, you could see the laundry room on the left wall perpendicular to where the entrance was, and opposite of the laundry room was a separate mudroom, which Jungeun and her housemates split equally. That was just part of the entrance hall. Further down the apartment opened up to a bigger square of space, with an open kitchen that took the north-western quarter of the space. A countertop put itself at the border of the kitchen, allowing only entrances from the kitchen’s upper right and lower left, hugging their respective walls, part of the square. In the south-western quarter lay a small round dining table, fit with a rotating layer on top to provide people easy access to dishes without getting up. The other half of the space was the living room, an 85 inch T.V hung from the wall, angled a bit down to accommodate for its tall position.  Under the T.V sat a T.V stand, though its purpose was ironic as the T.V was hung high on the wall, which held a multitude of consoles and controllers. A wide leather couch, fit for three, sat facing the northern wall, and therefore the T.V as well. Jungeun wasn’t one to play games but her roommates played almost every night, bothering her sleep. She didn’t hold it against them though for she loved her roommates. A room, with its own private restroom, was behind the couches. It wasn’t Jungeun’s though. Her room lay to the north, where she shared the only public bathroom with another roommate, though Jungeun never thought once about complaining. 

 

As she went over to the kitchen in her quest to solve her thirst, a young woman that seemed to match, if not a little older, Jungeun’s age came bursting from the room behind the couches. Her hair matched Jungeun’s unnatural hair color, this one platinum blonde. She wore a simple open blue and black flannel over a long white tshirt, long enough to almost be a skirt as well Jungeun had always noted, and rocked a branded pair of black leggings to top it off. Jungeun recognized this outfit too often, “Training?” She took a moment to look at her phone, noting how it was already noon. “Isn’t it a little late for you?” she managed to ask before gulping down a glass of water. 

 

The blonde nodded, her hair a mess from over sleeping, as she dove through her purse and backpack. “Yeah, they let us take a small break to go out for lunch and stuff.” She could not spare a look towards her gray haired roommate, delving deeper into her purse in desperation. Jungeun opened her mouth, nodding slightly, as she understood where this was going. She went to the sink to clean her cup before she caught Jinsol running out the apartment from the corner of her eye, “Bye! See you later! Yerim should be back soon!” Each word audibly regressive as the last, and eventually, the last word became inaudible altogether. 

 

Jungeun put her cup on the dry rack and wiping her hands away dry with the hung towel that hung to the side of the sink. She pushed her hair back in thought, wondering how to make use of the time left before her shift started. Jungeun eventually came to a decision and looked and grabbed the handy stool and dragged it to a shelf. Struggling to reach the cabinet where a box of tea lay, despite the stool, she brought up her knee on top of the kitchen countertop in an attempt to grab the box.  _ Why the hell does Jinsoul leave this so high up, if I’m the only one that even drinks?  _ Jungeun grunted in frustration before grasping the teabox, immediately letting out a victory “ha!” The victory was short lived as she lost balance on her knee and began to stumble backwards onto the floor.  _ Oh fuck _ she thought out loud before blacking out the instant the back of her head hit the floor. 

 

\-----------------------------

Jungeun’s eyes fluttered, each flap allowing her eyes to open even more than the last. She was in her bed, her head propped by pillows. Her head was still throbbing and went to reach behind her head to touch the source of the pain. Her arm was immediately smacked down. She turned in bewilderment, _who the hel… damn it._ She shifted her gaze to the other side, refusing to meet the warm, yet soulburning, eyes that fixated on her. “Hey Haseul…” Jungeun whispered softly as she sunk deeper into her sheets. Almost immediately after sinking in completely, her head began to throb painfully again, “Ow.”

 

Haseul flung the sheets back, exposing Jungeun’s crunched up body on the bed. “Hey Haseul? Are you stupid? Wait. Sorry, I’m being rude. First off, are you okay?” Jungeun did a short nod in response before the short brunette continued, “Good. Second off, how the hell did you get hurt? Was it intentional? I thought we talked about this.” Each question brought Haseul closer to the injured girl’s face, impatient for answers yet left no space for such. Jungeun opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a knock on the door. 

 

“Come in!” Jungeun blurted out in hopes that someone could come save her from the onslaught of questions. Haseul glared back intensely and the younger girl returned back with a grin alongside a thumbs up. The squeaking of the door was followed by the sight of the head with long jet black hair flowing down in a smooth fashion, her eyes seemingly glowing with sunshine, popping from the side, “Hi! Jungie One, you okay?” Her eyes kept only at the injured girl, terrified of meeting the gaze of the tiny brunette. Jungeun only laughed, understanding the double meaning of that question, earning a confused look from her manager. 

 

“I’ll be fine. How were your classes today?” Being warm was unusual for Jungeun, but she could never not be happy with Yerim around, the latter seemed to have an everlasting energy source at all times. It never ceased to amaze Jungeun, who had recently been tagged as the edgy and sad one amongst her friends, how one could be so full of life and hope and it would always bother her, perhaps it was jealousy. 

 

“Oh! It was great! College is so easy, Jungie One! I don’t know why you’re not attending!” Yerim practically exaggerated her every word and Jungeun was used to it, that was just her way of speaking from all that energy. Upon hearing the last statement, however, Jungeun twitched a bit and Haseul caught note as well, staring at the former for a response. 

 

“School just isn’t for everyone, Yerim. I’ll be fine. I’m not big on studying anyways. Go live life!” Jungeun responded back, faking a smile and attitude before waving her hands towards the cheerful one, signalling her to leave. Yerim made an O face before nodding as she closed the door. The gray haired girl looked back at Haseul, who was still shocked by the other young girl’s statement. “She’s naive, Haseul, it’s okay. You see how excited she was? How she was so full of life? I could never bring that down. It’s easier to play pretend than-”

 

“Be real.” Haseul finished off with a sigh. Jungeun nodded in acceptance of the former’s interruption. “Sooyoung’s covering your shift, you have to take hers on Saturday.” Haseul spoke as she looked through her phone for self-verification on the news she just brought. 

 

“What? No, I can work. It doesn’t even hurt that bad!” Jungeun spoke out, not wanting to work on her only true rest day. Haseul only answered back with rolled eyes, earning a pout from the former. “Is there any other day I could cover? Please?” Begging, Jungeun scanned the room for her phone. 

 

“No. She was only willing to cover if you worked her Saturday.” The brunette showed the text messages to Jungeun. “Take the next two days off, I’ll cover your shift tomorrow. I care too much about you to let you harm yourself any further,” Haseul stated in matter of fact as she chose to sit beside her friend on the bed. Jumping in realization, she pulled out a pack of mint ice-breakers from her back pocket and, whilst giggling, took out a single mint before she tossed it in her mouth.

 

“Damn, forgot how much you liked mints.” Junguen said rather creeped out from the behavior she just observed. She spotted her phone in the nightstand that was just out of reach for her. She began to pull herself out the bed and twist her body in hopes her arms were long enough. Once again, Haseul smacked her again before reaching over to grab the injured girl’s phone for her. The smell of the mint alerted Jungeun.  _ Wait a goddamn second, those are my ice-breakers.  _ She looked up, Haseul’s face hovering above as she too reached for the phone, “That’s my mint. Give me my mint.” The brunette laughed at how long it took Jungeun to realize.

 

“Sorry, I took the last one.” Haseul continued to giggle, her eyes now squinting, and, by gods, did Jungeun’s heart almost melt from the sight. The brunette stuck out half her mint to taunt the her friend.

 

“I’ll take it out from your mouth right now, I will not stand being insulted.” Jungeun’s nose flared in embarrassment. Haseul only tilted her head, before sticking out her gum again as if to taunt Jungeun even further. The latter took no time to spare as she attempted to lift her arms only to be brought down forcefully by Haseul’s own.  Jungeun shook in confusion, “Okay, well I guess I won’t take it from your mouth.” She tried to shake the brunette off but that only encouraged her to bring her entire body weight on top of Jungeun. Their faces now brought closer together, so close in fact, Jungeun could feel Haseul breathing. The former could feel her heart beating, each beat having a shorter rest time than the last, as she struggled to maintain control in the situation. Jungeun did have feelings for Haseul, it was not a well-kept secret since she made it rather obvious to everyone except for Haseul, who had been known to being clueless to everything. Even then, Haseul had always made it clear she thought the two of them as really good friends. 

 

Haseul stuck out the mint once more, this time stuck between closed teeth. Her eyes fixated on Jungeun’s.

 

Jungeun’s heartbeat was becoming louder by the second, her eyes zoomed from the mint to Haseul’s eyes, back to the mint, and back again to Haseul.  _ Is she serious?  _

 

Haseul kept still, only sign of motion came from blinking. 

 

_ Fuck it _ . Jungeun pushed her head forward, taking in Haseul’s mint with her own teeth. Their lips collided and Jungeun’s heart burst open with emotion. The mint forgotten as the two became more intimate in their kiss, tongues teased one another between their lips. Jungeun couldn’t even breathe but even then that was the least of her concerns. Her arms wrapped around Haseul’s back, pulling in the short brunette closer. Closer was all the two craved right now. Haseul brought her hands to Jungeun’s waist, just at the top of her butt, and squeezed, earning a yelp from the younger girl. 

 

Jungeun was the first to break free but her hands stayed wrapped around the brunette. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” her words were caught between heavy breaths, and her eyes, still confused, kept still on Haseul.

 

“I know.” The brunette grinned back, pecking Jungeun on the nose and then her lips once more. “I just couldn’t keep it in anymore,” Haseul whispered in Jungeun’s ear, causing shivers down the injured body. She nestled her head against her friend’s neck, seemingly tired. 

  
_ What just happened?  _ Jungeun took a moment to alternate between the roof and her crush that snuggled against her, the same crush that adamantly made it a point to let people know they were just good friends. Perhaps this was her turning moment. Realizing there wasn’t anything else for her to do, Jungeun cuddled the tiny brunette back before falling asleep. 


	2. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungeun finds her Tea Drinking Ritual disturbed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIIIIII! I'm sooooo sorry for such a late update. A LOT of stuff has been happening to me, and I damn near almost lost my sanity. Thankfully, I've gotten better so here's an (a really bad, rushed) update.
> 
> Update 6/9/2019: I revised this chapter so if y'all end up reading this again for whatever reason, I'm proud to say this chapter is miles better than before LOOOOOOOOL. Have fun!

Jungeun awoke to the comforting feeling of Haseul snuggling deep into her arms. The brunette was in deep sleep, turning slightly every now and then from her dreams, and Jungeun allowed the view to take in slowly. It didn’t take her long to realize whatever she was feeling, whilst cuddling with the brunette, wasn’t anything special and she had felt it before with past lovers.  _ Fuck… _ The idea of Haseul not truly destined to be hers came to mind. No, no,  _ no,  _ it couldn’t be.  _ Maybe it’s just my injury,  _ she nodded to herself, a part of her still insecure, as she managed to slip her arm from under the sleeping brunette. 

She made her way out her room, checking the time on the clock, it was 2AM, that hung in the kitchen, and living room… and dining room.  _ Why do we have so many clocks? _ The girl shook the thought from her head and went over to the kitchen, the crime scene untouched, to find the tea that she almost sacrificed her life for. Jungeun kicked the stool over, “How does it feel asshole?” She spat at the stool before grabbing her box of tea. 

Jungeun had picked out the simple, and her favorite, Jasmine Tea. Its uncharacteristically sweetness was what drew her in. She found the calm-inducing fragrance of tea to help calm her anxieties and, considering she wasn’t having the best time of her life for the last couple of years, she desperately sought anything that would anchor down her sanity. She left the box on top of the countertop before heading over to grab a small sauce pan to fill with water. Jungeun went to open the box of tea and carefully poured some leaves into a tea infuser. The sound of water rumbling as it boiled caught her attention and she rushed over with a thermometer to turn off the heat as well as moving it away from the heat. “95 degrees…” She lifted the thermometer from the pot with a brief, though disappointed, sigh and bit the inside of her cheek as she waited for the water to cool down even further. It didn’t take much longer until the temperature went down to 76 degrees, and the gray haired girl proceeded to pour the water over the tea infuser and into her little teapot.

She fished out a porcelain cup from a shelf, deliberately taking the one with a depiction of an owl on it. The Owl, the ever famous patron animal of the Greek Goddess of Wisdom Athena, had long been Kim’s favorite animal. Though it felt like she didn’t have much of a say in this choice, as it just seemed like she was  _ connected _ to Owls. Nevertheless, she chose to accept and live life with it. Jungeun brought both the cup and the teapot to the dining table, where she chose to sit facing the windows, knowing that there was none to look at except the night.

One arm supporting the other at the elbow, Jungeun ritually poured the tea into her cup. The sound of hot tea, one of almost like a soft crinkle, satisfied her even if it was for that short moment. She dipped her head just slightly hovering the cup, breathing slowly but heavily to intake the aroma of Jasmine. “Ahh,” Satisfied with her ritual, Jungeun sat back and brought her hands together on the cup and the heat, now gently cooled from her directed blowing, ran its course against her palms. Her fingers shifted around the cup to where her right index and thumb pinched the cup, each held an opposite side from each other, and her left hand went back to supporting her right arm at the elbow. She lifted the cup, her head now tilted slightly up, before sipping the tea ever so dramatically. 

This ritual, Jungeun loathed that word but her roommates insisted this ‘tea thing’ was a ritual, was one of her Alone Moments and it was her favorite. The absolute solitary alongside a nice cup of tea kept her sane through this treacherous journey of Life, one that most people enjoyed going through to Jungeun’s bewilderment. Her Daily Tea Ritual was to be undisturbed and that was noted by her roommates, who dared not to disturb her in fear of her temper. She never considered herself to be one with a short temper, but her roommates’ history of bothering her during her ritual proved otherwise.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haseul noticed the lack of warm arms wrapped around her and rose immediately to scan the darkened room for her  _ friend?  _ The brunette, her hands clasped on the sides of her head, remembered the incident hours ago.  _ We kissed _ . Did Jungeun not want so? She shook her head, Jungeun had kissed her back and therefore, it was wanted… right? Haseul was quick to wrap her blankets around her body and brought herself out the bed, eyes squinting through the darkness. With her eyes now readjusted to the dark, the brunette could see Jungeun had left the room and her immediate thought was to refer to the lists of ‘hiding’ spots her friend would normally use. The quiet sounds of clinking interrupted her worry as her she spun to the source of the sound,  _ Tea so early?  _ Haseul opened her phone to reassure herself the time and, with a dramatic swing to further wrap the blanket around herself, she made her way to the door, opening slightly as to not disturb Jungeun.

Jungeun would routinely drink her cup, pour herself some more, and drink her cup again in a cycle that would last exactly an hour. Her mind wandered to her life, her achievements, the lives of past friends and acquaintances, and it always came down to wondering where she was going with her life when others seemed to be doing so well. Each day, during her cups of Tea, became a series of contemplations of the young girl. Tears started forming, each droplet wiped would bring about another set of tears and soon enough, tears flowed down Jungeun’s cheeks and unto the table. 

Yet despite all this, she continued to drink.

Pour.

Drink. 

She was used to the tears and the suffering, but being used to it didn’t stop her from questioning it all. She hung her head down in despair as she brought her hands up, her nails bit into her head. The light at the end of the road diminished and Jungeun felt not a single piece of hope in her.

Jungeun felt an inward pressure to her head. It hurt. Her brain squeezed as the pressure intensified, the pain alongside with it, further pushing in. She felt herself hyperventilate, each breath shortened by another as they seem to race out her lungs. Agonizing could have described the pain, but it would have served the role of being an injustice itself of a description. The girl simply wanted it to end, and the once extreme idea of a bullet seemed like the only answer.  _ I can’t do it.  _ She was going mad.  _ Someone help me. _ Her grip tightened, nails biting deeper, in an attempt to dig away the pain. Her teeth gritted, grinding against themselves. Her vision blurred as tears began to build up, drop itself to the floor, and build up once more. Her mind fogged with grey clouds and each wave of pressure further clouded her thoughts. 

The brunette watched in horror as her friend broke down in madness and pain. She made her way to Jungeun with open arms ready to embrace the griefing girl. Rather awkwardly, Haseul bent down and wrapped her blanket-accompanied arms around Jungeun.  “Hey…” 

Jungeun’s headache eased at the brunette’s touch. Her hands loosened and her teeth came to a halt.  _ That voice.  _ A smile managed to bring itself upon Jungeun’s face.  _ Haseul _ . She stayed still, her mind still under the pressure, albeit a lessened one at that. The girl had a brief moment of hope that the brunette’s presence would save her from her hell. It seemed as if it did no-  _ No.  _ She couldn’t bring herself to reject such comfort, especially from one she wanted for a rather long time, and reluctantly allowed the brunette’s embrace. “Hey H-haseul,” was all that Jungeun managed to choke out, her tears slowing down. They stayed in their position for a while until Jungeun coughed to signal to let go. Haseul chuckled before letting go and pulling a seat to sit beside her friend. 

“You alright?” The brunette nodded towards the tears before leaning further to inspect Jungeun’s face. Red puffy circles formed under her eyes that brought, though halting, tears. Her cheeks and nose flushed pinkish red, “Actually, you’re not. Don’t answer that. You look horrible. What’s wrong?” She tucked a wild strand of Jungeun’s hair behind her ear before stroking the latter’s cheek in earnest. 

The bloated girl gave off a faint smile, then realized there was no point in faking when the evidence was in front of Haseul, and promptly shook her head into her own hands.  _ I’m sorry Haseul… _ “Nothing. I’ll be fine. I go through this everyday,” Jungeun croaked out, noting how dry her throat became. She needed to be more distant, more unapproachable, even if it wasn’t what she truly wanted. “Why are you awake?” She attempted to shift the attention away but to no avail.

“Why does it matter why I’m awake when YOU are crying?” The brunette retaliated back, confused as to why Jungeun dare bring up such an unimportant topic in the midst of such a sensitive topic. “What the hell do you mean you go through this every day? You cry like this every day?” Haseul’s jaw dropped in shame, shameful for not being there for the girl all this time. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did tell you, I’m pretty sure I told you about my problems…” Her voice trailed off as she brought her head down to lie sideways on the table, faced away from the brunette.

“Yes! But you never told me about crying! Nor this tea stuff. I mean, I know you really like tea. Anyways!” Her hands raised into palms, gesturing herself to pause, “Why didn’t you tell me about this crying stuff? Am I not your best friend? What did I do wrong? I, at least, deserve an answer.” Begged, that’s all Haseul could do, she was frustrated from all the recent neglect and thought maybe confirming mutual feelings would trigger something inside of Jungeun that would allow for truths to be told. But alas, it was for nought. 

“I… I don’t know. I just don’t want to talk about it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”  _ A lie. _ Jungeun had answered in a deadpan manner which received a sigh from the brunette. “It’s just the same shit, you know, anxiety and all that. Jo, I’m not in immediate danger, I’m…”  _ not _ “good.” Faking a smile, Jungeun turned her head towards her friend and held her hand in reassurance.  _ Another lie _ .

Jo. Haseul staggered back, surprised by the name Jungeun chose to call her. It was her last name, but that wasn’t the importance, the importance came from how Jungeun hadn’t called her that since the peak of their friendship. For Haseul, it could be anyone that called her ‘Jo’ and she would act indifferently, but to hear Jungeun say it made her soft and giggly altogether. More importantly, it was during the same period of time when Haseul realized she fell for her friend.

Jo eyed the girl back suspiciously but heaved in slight relief, ultimately realizing there would be no yield from Jungeun. “If you need anything-”

“Come to you.” Jungeun finished for her, her smile now genuine as she chuckled for how predictable Haseul’s speech was. For a while, they sat there laughing and Jungeun couldn’t help how radiant, her mind still shy to compliment, Jo looked in front of her even with a bedhead. Perhaps there was a light, albeit a fake one unbeknownst to Jungeun, to this tunnel. Then it dawned on her, “Hey… what are we?” She asked hesitantly. Jungeun took note of Jo’s face scrunching in an attempt to find her answer and cringed slightly, afraid of the upcoming answer. 

“I suppose it doesn’t really matter… I mean, we like each other right?” Haseul eyes wandered away, her chin lay in the webbed Purlicue between her thumb and forefinger in the famous ‘thinking’ position. 

Not within Jo’s sight, Jungeun simply nodded and it wasn’t until the former glanced sideways towards the latter in an attempt to signal for an answer that Jungeun jumped, taking a moment to laugh before replying quickly, “Yes.”  _ Another lie? _

Laughing along with her, Jo pinched, or at least attempted to, the slim cheeks of Jungeun before pulling her in into another embrace. The warmth of one another suddenly felt more comforting, with each other’s heartbeat thumping loud enough for the other to feel. Soon the embrace ended and they started to pull back until their faces were merely inches from each other. 

Despite her beating heart, Jungeun couldn’t feel the emotion to be attracted to Jo. There was not a single moment of any sign of emotion, only adrenaline. Ever stubborn, she brought it upon herself to rid her confusion and lunged forward as her hands clasped Jo’s head. Their lips bumped awkwardly at first and, after the shock cleared in Haseul, vigor claimed both as they moved in sync.  _ Nothing _ . Jungeun could feel absolutely nothing but the adrenaline that came from any prolonged kissing.

She pulled back, feigning the need to breathe, and glanced down at the tiled flooring laid out on the dining room.  _ Fuck. Fuck. I like Jo. I like Jo.  _ Jungeun looked back up to see Jo smiling sheepishly back.  _ She’s so cute…  _ The former unknowingly frowned, resulting in a frown returned back. Jungeun chuckled and shook her head to dissuade the brunette any negative thoughts. “It’s nothing. Just…  can’t believe that this is…” she wafted her hand to find the word that best fit, “happening,” she spoke slowly in an attempt to make up an excuse but it went unnoticed for the brunette. 

“Haha, really? I thought, but I guess it’s not fair for you since I already knew you had a crush on me.” Jo puckered her lips, before pulling them back as her cheeks raised, an image that Jungeun compared to a duck. 

“Wait, what? You knew? Huh? Since when?” Jungeun moved her head in rapid pace, caught off guard by Jo’s statement. “Did someone tell you? Wait, no! Jiwoo would never!” Her eyes had widened now, trying to connect non-existent dots. 

Jo had laughed throughout the mess that occurred before her. “Calm down. I just figured it out over time during our shifts together. Wasn’t that hard.”

“There’s no way. Impossible.” Jungeun smelled bullshit for she would barely even interact with Jo during work. Past interactions left the former in complete rage, rage even she herself did not know she had in her, and she took it upon herself to simply cut interactions altogether. 

“Yeah, Jiwoo told me like a couple days after you…  told her?” The brunette raised a brow as if unsure about the date. “It’s okay. Look where we are now!” An open smile came upon her face whilst her hands were brought up into the air in excitement. Her bob-cut hair bounched along her mini jump of happiness and Jungeun nearly crumbled inside of how cute Jo looked doing that.  _ But there’s nothing _ . Jungeun couldn’t understand why. This is what she wanted right? There, in front of her, stood the girl sought after by so many, but nothing. Nothing made Jungeun feel anything different other than that she thought her a lovely person. 

“Y-yeah…” Jungeun passed off another fake smile, “I’ve waited too long,” And finally she spoke a truth. The thought came to her now, perhaps it was because she waited so long that she couldn’t feel anything. No. She shook off the idea, it seemed too good yet dumb of an excuse. “It’s getting rather late, Jo. You should sleep.” The silver-haired girl poured herself another cup, the soft crinkling sound now filling the silence between the two. She glanced at Jo mid sip only to find her staring back with furrowed eyebrows. “I’ll be fine. Go sleep! You barely slept.” She turned her head back to her cup, unable to look at Jo’s worried face any longer.

“Pinky promise?” The brunette thrusted her pinky in front of Jungeun’s face. The latter chuckled at how cute Jo looked right then and there, her eyes twinkled as she smiled sheepishly in doing something so children like.  “Come sleep with me then.” Jo’s eyes got brighter at the thought of cuddling the tiny girl.

“Pinky promise.” Unable to control her laughter, Jungeun still managed to bring up and wrap pinkies with this “loser.” Her laughter turned into a cackle, befitting her thrown insult. 

Jo stuck out her tongue in response before kissing their intertwined pinkies. “Now it’s sealed. That means if you lie, you’ll break the promise.” She kissed Jungeun’s cheek before triumphantly walking away to the latter’s room. 

“Shit.” Taking another sip of her tea, Jungeun then brought her head down to the table, unsure of the direction this newfound relationship would go.  _ I’ll be fine, right? I mean. I didn’t break it. I’m fine now. There’s nothing. Yeah.  _ But even she knew that she was telling herself lies. _ If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself.  _ The quote was lodged inside her head throughout her depression. It seemed fitting, considering it’s how she built her life after being kicked out of her house. Jungeun poured herself the last cup of tea, the once light yellow color now darker almost a transparent orange, and drank it all with one sip. “I’m okay.”  _ A lie. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I apologize for the extremely late update, as well as how short it is. I'm going to start updating a lot more frequently. I do have the last chapter written, and I'm not sure how many chapters I want this story to be. Anyways, PLEASE tell me if there's something you found off. Like how the plot is going, it's flow. Or my writing in general. I'm really trying to improve.


	3. Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a rather special day for our dear Jungeun

**Chapter 3 - Bitter**

It had been weeks since Haseul confronted Jungeun during the latter’s Tea Ritual. Since then, Haseul made it a habit to come and sleep over every day, last night having been no different.  _ Friend.  _ Jungeun was quick to remove the thought from her head. There was no real title and she supposed it was for the best as to lessen the wound, should they ever split. The thought process never got any further than that, but Jungeun didn’t mind. Simple was easy. 

 

Today should be simple too, despite the date. February 10th. The girl always neglected the date. It wasn’t exactly the date that was something special, rather it was the event. She never experienced the same as her peers did on these types of events, so Jungeun always felt more neglected on this particular time of the year. 

 

No matter. She would deal with it like any other day. No one else knew, not even her roommates. Haseul though? Jungeun had told her once, back when they first met. Perhaps she did tell the brunette a couple more times but she was always dodgy and quick to get the question out the way. She just hated the attention it brought. No. Jungeun had a small piece of herself that yearned for the attention, but she learned over the years that such a wish would never be fulfilled. She was so used to not getting any attention, that she merely brought it upon herself to ensure it stayed that way.  Stagnate was comfortable. 

 

Jungeun heard Haseul turning over next to her in bed, “Jungie… cuddle…” the brunette mumbled out, too asleep to construct a sentence. The former couldn’t resist a smile and obliged quietly, her arms and legs now slung over the tiny one’s body in a tight spooning embrace. Haseul snuggled her head into the small gap next to Jungeun’s neck and managed to sneak out giggle, “hehe,” before resuming her sleep.  _ She’s so cute.  _ The thought itself made her want to squish the girl’s cheeks and embrace forever yet it was strange, to say the least, for the spooning girl. 

 

Her hair was soft, and for having not been able to shower the whole day, it wasn’t even oily. Jungeun’s fingers were going through silk as she stroked the sleeping beauty. Peace. She dug herself deeper into the embrace before resting her eyes for the rest of the night.

 

_ This was temporary.  _

 

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It was exactly noon.  _ Just twelve hours left.  _ Jungeun sat at the raised floor which edged the roof plaza of her apartment. The plaza was rather simple. Circles of grass dotted throughout the concrete flooring to show they were ‘environment friendly,’ but no other decorations besides vents and square machineries to fill the void. Her feet swung freely amidst the skyline. Her arms stretched behind her to allow herself to lean back and bask in the Sun’s light. 

 

She felt her phone buzz soon after, dancing a little too close to the edge for comfort, but the girl paid it no mind as she sought to soak in more of the Sun’s embrace. Not even a couple minutes after did her phone began to buzz endlessly for her attention. Her lips pursed and her eyes closed, Jungeun wanted to breathe in this peace inducing scenery just for a moment. With much reluctance, the girl brought her phone to her face and clicked the side button to lighten the screen. 

 

The girl let out a small puff from her nose, cheesily smiling as she realized who the author of the mass texts was. ‘My Gym Partner,’ a throwback to Jungeun’s favorite TV show back when she was a kid, ‘My Gym Partner’s a Monkey.’ The name did have a dual meaning, one having been that Jungeun and Haseul had made plans to hit a gym for once but it fell to lazy excuses. The other meaning was simply that ‘Monkey’ matched with Haseul’s most notable traits, at least to Jungeun that is, of being irritating and stubborn. Speaking of which, Jungeun brought her head back to her phone screen as it buzzed in her hand repeatedly in tune with the unending texts. Her hands brushed back through her gray hair as she swiped up for what seemed like an eternity through her friend’s texts. Most of the texts consisted of either “Jungie!” or “Wake up!” in no particular order.

 

“No.” A deadpan response that hoped to extinguish the spam. But alas, it fueled it even more. 

 

Another wave came, this time having a variety of “Hey!”, “Why not!” or “Guess what?” Jungeun held her eyes shut once more in minor irritation. 

 

She leaned forward, opening her eyes once more, and came face to face to the bustling streets of the city. She leaned even further as her legs tightened and hands clamped on the ledge as a counterbalance. Sweat began to form under her palms as the wind began to affect Jungeun’s position. The girl was deathly terrified of heights and the intrusive thought of leaping dramatically off the building certainly did nothing to alleviate her acrophobia. But the thought of peace from the result brought some questions as to whether or not she should overcome her fear. Jungeun scoffed, scrapping the idea altogether as she realized she truly never could build up the courage to actually go through with any of her plans. Disappointed for not being in a worse state, Jungeun returned to her relaxed position to allow her body to bask further in the Sun and scroll through her phone, only to be taken back by a missed call from ‘My Gym Partner.’ Was she not at work? Nonetheless, Jungeun heaved a heavy sigh before calling back.

 

“Jungie!” Came out from the other end; the excitement was a little too much and Jungeun pulled her phone away from her ear only to reluctantly put it back against so.

 

“That’s me.” Her usual sarcastic reply and Jungeun could hear Haseul’s laugh, what’s so funny? But it did not seem to stop… The laugh had been going on for a couple of minutes now and the gray-haired girl sat awkwardly, eyeing the skylines before her friend began to calm down.

 

“You’re so silly!” Jungeun could almost hear her smile from the other side of the call. “Anyways, I’m leaving the store early, Jaden came in and let me go since all of the inventory was put up…  Give me a second I need to put you on Bluetooth cause I’m getting in my car.” She stayed silent, hearing Jo struggle lightly in putting her phone up on a stand whilst igniting her engine. “Right! So. I’m coming over, let’s do something!”

 

Jungeun winced. “No, let’s not.”  She did want to hang out, a part of her even wished Haseul would add ‘for your birthday!’ at the end. 

 

“No problem! I’ll be over and we can just chill~” Haseul prolonged the last word and Jungeun could picture the former dramatize some sort of movement with it. “Today’s half off chicken, you want the same thing?” 

 

“Yeah.” Her response wavered with slight disappointment. Jungeun shook her head,  _ it’s nothing _ . She scoffed, managing to force a smile as she shook her head in disbelief that Haseul was always so persistent when wanting to hang out. Surely she had more, or at least interesting, friends other than her? “I’m not in the apartment though.” 

 

Haseul gave a brief pause, going through mental obstacles to figure out which of the places she could be at today before releasing out a, “Ha! Roof today!” She exclaimed triumphantly. “Alrighty, I’ll be there in about twenty? I’ll see you soon Jungie!” The disconnect click came shortly after and Jungeun took her time to inspect the picture she had for Haseul’s contact info.

 

 It had been the first time Haseul forced her to leave her comfort zone and even into an amusement park. Undoubtedly, Jungeun had felt a sense of enjoyment that seemed almost alien to the introvert but had always denied it afterwards, in fear of Haseul gloating for which the former had always held a distasteful opinion on. The picture had been taken whilst the two sat on a bench, having spent most of their energy going on rides and simply walking around enjoying each other’s companionship. 

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

_ “See! Look at you! This is what fun is.” Haseul had nodded along to each word of the last statement in a successful attempt to rub it in Jungeun’s face, “You. Are. Welcome!” This time, she bobbed her head sideways in sync with her words before tapping her friend’s nose, “Boop! Come on! Today’s your day!”  _

 

_ Jungeun could only laugh in defeat, surrendering to Haseul’s gloat. “Okay, okay, yes I’m aware what fun is. And look, today’s not my day. I’ve never celebrated it before. And, hey! I have fun at my apartment too, ya know.” Rolling her eyes, she felt slightly disrespected but, nevertheless, couldn’t help feel excited? She couldn’t put a pin on it but it felt nice, albeit questionably uncomfortable. Jungeun kept a smile as her friend continued to brag over her “victory” at this… date? “So… uh… I told Jiwoo that you were taking me out here today and she keeps spamming me saying that it’s a date.” She let out a small laugh, ruffling her silver hair as her laugh died awkwardly. Jungeun was too hesitant to look up and instead continued to stare at her phone. “You want to tell her it’s nothing? She won’t hear me out.” Having rid her embarrassment, and with the Sunset shining its orange hue from behind the brunette not helping in aiding Jungeun’s ability to analyze her reaction, she thought perhaps she was dreaming when rose tinted cheeks greeted her upon facing Haseul.  _

 

_ Haseul could feel her cheeks flare up but kept her composure nonetheless, passing off a bright, cheeky smile that earned itself one in return. “Hmm.” A quick response, and a quick thinking pose along with it, and she looked back mischievously, “Or. I don’t and,” she dragged out the last word before giving a smirk, “just let you suffer. Since you were soooo persistent in not having fun when I dragged you here.”  _

 

_ “Chill.” Jungeun replied, her face quick to shift to a serious demeanor. “I suffer enough just living,” She quipped in a deadpan tone. The statement was half serious, but she had gotten so used to her self deprecating humor that the jokes slipped out at given opportunities. Jungeun took note of Haseul’s reaction and braced herself for the same pity received from others.  _

 

_ Haseul shifted her head in bewilderment. They weren’t particularly close, hell the brunette only took her underling out to the park since she felt it necessary to bond with worker and Jungeun was the newest worker anyways. Even despite Jungeun’s rather gloomy nature at work, she passed it off as just being awkward. She wasn’t alien to the concept of dark humor but she noted how Jungeun didn’t laugh, only a subtle side smirk showed, and even that was a short expression replaced shortly by one of guilt. Jungeun’s anxious and pale face only confirmed Haseul’s concerns. _

 

_ Silence breezed between the two, either awaiting the other’s action. Brief chattering from exhausted kids and relieved parents could be heard as families passed by. The orange hued sky was slowly regressing as the Sun set, and the progression synched with the amount of people leaving the amusement park. The brunette furrowed her brows before clasping Jungeun’s hand with both her own, “Look, I understand that today is-”  _

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“Are you okay? Hello? Jungeun? You there?” Haseul had been waving her hand in front of Jungeun for a couple minutes now.

 

“Oh shit. Sorry. Was thinking.” The distant girl shook her head back to reality. “Dang, that was fast. I thought you said twenty minutes?” Jungeun questioned the brunette as she peeked the time on her phone. It had been thirty minutes, to be exact.

 

Haseul eyed her friend suspiciously, “thinking about what?” An eyebrow arched with the question, her eyes now slitted as she leaned in closer to Jungeun. 

 

Jungeun flashed a grin as she realized where Haseul was going with this. “Calm down, I’ll tell you.” She paused briefly before bursting into a fit of laughter, “You’re so nosy. I was just thinking about the time you took me out to that amusement park and when I told you something along the lines of my life being horrible. Good times.” Haseul tilted her head in remembrance and looked as if to make another one of her infamous sarcastic comments. Jungeun caught wind of her intentions and was quick to interrupt, “Let’s hurry and eat, I’m not a big fan of cold chicken. Also, we need to find an Airbnb for New Zealand.” She snatched the takeout bag from the brunette’s clutch before quickly making her way to the centre of the roof plaza. 

 

A picnic blanket was laid out on the concrete a couple steps from where Jungeun sat. Rocks kept the blanket still, a single one at each corner, whilst several fruit containing tupperware sat in the middle. 

 

She looked back to where she sat. Haseul stood dumbfounded but matched Jungeun’s eyes. And smiled an open smile. Her teeth glistened in the sunlight. Her eye slits were damn near so close, Jungeun couldn’t tell if she could even see out of them. But she looked… happy. It wasn’t  _ just _ happy. Everything about her just seemed to flow with ecstatic energy. 

 

Jungeun smiled back. Her insecurity wouldn’t allow her to flash a toothy one like the one before her. She felt strange, this smile came genuinely and naturally. She didn’t feel forced, like the ones where she laughed along with others at an unfunny joke. She felt comfortable and couldn’t help but let loose a single tear. More came soon after. 

 

“Hey! What’s wrong?” Haseul closed the gap between them and her hands caressed Jungeun’s cheeks as her thumbs did their best windshield wiper impressions. 

 

The teary eyed girl threw her arms around Haseul’s neck in response. It felt weird. This rush of energy and excitement, it brought her a smile. It brought her tears. It wasn’t the same feigned happiness she gave herself during the past moments when they hung out. 

 

Haseul hugged the girl’s back in response, overwhelmed by the sudden show of emotion from someone the likes of Jungeun. “I’m here.” Her hands now aimed to soothe Jungeun as they switched awkwardly from patting and caressing. 

 

“I know…”  _ But it never felt like it _ . It wasn’t the brunette’s fault though, Jungeun understood why. “Thank you.” She pulled back from the hug only to meet the brunette’s soft plump lips with her own dry and cracked ones. It was a light and short peck. Jungeun saw the girl’s cheeks flush and laughed softly, “You’re such a loser. Come on, let’s hurry and eat.” The gray-haired girl was quick to drag the brunette by her hand to where their picnic lay. 

 

Jungeun ate in silence. Haseul filled the void by talking, mostly ranting, about work. The former didn’t mind it though for as much as she liked silent serenity, Haseul was always the exception. Then again, it wasn’t like the introverted one had much of a choice when all this woman did was force herself into Jungeun’s life anyways. Altogether the silent girl liked hearing Haseul rant, and she, in turn, appreciated Jungeun’s ability to just listen. 

 

_ Huh.  _ It was definitely an odd pairing. Chuu compared the two of them as magnets, a thought Jungeun never gave much attention until recently. Haseul wasn’t the exact opposite of her, but she was definitely a lot more approachable and outgoing. She never figured out what exactly attracted the two together. And at this point, she didn’t care for the answer.

 

Haseul kept her talking until the look on her face lit up at an idea. “Oh my god! You know what today is right?”

 

The silent one choked on her drink, taken aback by the question. “Um… no, care to remind me?” Jungeun wiped the suspicious look on her face with her arm, cleaning up after spitting some of her water.  _ She remembers? _

 

“It was this day…” Haseul waved her arm in dramatization, “Three years ago! When I took you to that amusement park! Did you not remember? You were literally just thinking about it.” 

 

Jungeun sat dumbfounded and whilst her mouth was agape, no word came from it.

 

“Let’s go to the beach today! Like an anniversary thing! It’s still… a little before 1:00pm and the sun sets around 7:00pm?” She shook a little, unable to completely hold in her excitement, about her own idea. “And! You always said you’ve wanted to see the beach! It’ll be awesome!” Her arms burst into the air, her excitement now unchecked.

 

The excited one wasn’t wrong, Jungeun had talked about wanting to visit a beach as part of her bucket list. The timing of it, however, threw her off. Did she really not remember? She looked up in suspicion, her eyebrows furrowed in. Haseul was always easy to read, but her body language nor her facial expressions failed to give off anything that would alert the paranoid girl. She dismissed it. 

 

“I guess…” She ruffled her hair in exasperation. Her head dropped and her arms crossed one another in discomfort. The idea of leaving the city made Jungeun nervous, it just felt  _ awkward _ , alongside the fact that her ‘best friend’ seemingly forgot also brought some slight irritation. The continued thought left her anxious. Whatever. The stubborn monkey in front of her would drag her anyways. Not like she had much of a say when Haseul was involved.

 

Haseul was quick to hug Jungeun, “yay! Let’s go, let’s go!” The brunette was just as quick to gather the emptied containers into a pile before noticing Jungeun’s somber demeanor. “You alright?” 

 

“Yeah.” Jungeun, in turn, more quickly to respond before facading energy, not wanting anymore questions from Haseul.

 

She peeked swiftly, her attention more focused on getting the trash together to throw out. The beach was suddenly, and rightfully in her mind, the priority. 

——————————————————————————————————————————

Even during the hour long drive, Haseul managed to ramble on about her day. Jungeun paid attention nonetheless, she always liked the way the brunette managed to tell her stories with the same passion no matter how long. It was always so cute, the little jump of seemingly endless energy that accompanied the highlights of the tales she told. Right now, Haseul was going off about one of their work-mates who had sassed  _ Manager Haseul _ back. Jungeun had fought, bickered, argued, you could name it all with her friend but  _ never _ with Manager Haseul. That was a lie. She did, in fact argue, during the earlier phases of her years at the store but she learned to give up. Not because she always lost, but she understood that Manager Haseul stood her ground on just about anything related to the store. She was a good manager, a fact that Jungeun eventually came to understand. 

 

The car abrupted to a stop and Jungeun’s eyes slowed to open, having felt no need to react to Haseul’s hideous driving. The latter had yet to perfect the ability to brake the car. The former gotten used to it.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Sand glistened a white light from the midday sun, only to be beached by the small endless waves that blinded with an azul celeste shimmer. The same waves that would carry part of the same sand with it as it recoiled back into the ocean. The same waves that roared in the distance as they clashed amongst each other whilst seagulls cawed, soaring above in the cloudless blue lit sky. 

 

Jungeun had seen pictures of pristine beaches before, but online communities always wrote about how their beach was muddy or brown so the girl had assumed those pictures were merely stock photos for advertisements and kept her expectations short. But damn if this view didn’t leave Jungeun is awe. “Thanks for bringing me here… Holy  _ shit. _ ” Her eyes stuck to the wonder before her. There were a couple of people hanging out already but even then… wait. “Is that… Jinsoul?” The gray haired girl gave Haseul a puzzled look before turning her eyes back, leaning forward to take a better look at a slim figured blonde woman, donning a ponytail playing volleyball. 

 

“Huh… Interesting… What’s wrong with Jinsoul being here?” Jungeun heard the question, albeit a little distanced and it sounded suspiciously mischievous? She brought her eyes to the corner of her slit but then shook it off. “Hey, go find a spot. I’ll meet you there once I gathered all the stuff.” Haseul sent her off with a dismissal wave before opening the trunk of her car. 

 

She clutched her oversized towel closer to her chest as she made her way through the white sand. The blonde in the distance was still playing volleyball, and a part of Jungeun wanted to walk over and see for herself if it was Jinsoul.  _ It’s too early for her to get out of training.  _

 

Her roommate was a trainee at DSP, but she left and went over to SM over the numerous scandals the former had been part of. Jinsoul was, at least in Jungeun’s eyes, extremely talented. A few times, the two would drag Yerim out to a karaoke bar. Each time, Jinsoul would mesmerize the other two with her singing. And when the Jungeun had heard she transferred to one of the Big Three, she couldn’t help but feel a little prideful for her. Sure, they had limited conversations but their short late-night hours of talking would enlighten Jungeun on the possibilities that Jinsoul could achieve. And, if anything, Jinsoul’s potential was the reason Jungeun could feel the slightest of hope in her own abilities. 

 

Jungeun brought her attention back to the task set before her. Except, it was rather easy considering the near-vacant beach. The wind blew steadily, but not too harsh. The temperature was a little on the hotter side, but the winter breeze kept the beach cool. Perhaps she should have moved closer to the beach years ago. 

 

The gray haired girl laid the towel out, having already grabbed some rocks near where they parked, and set the stones in the corners to weigh it down against the breeze. She stood still, staring into the ocean. It called for her. The resonate sounds of the waves as they tumbled over each other lulled the girl in a hypnotic trance. Each wave that roared brought Jungeun a step closer into the ocean. 

 

She felt the sand sink beneath the soles of her feet. It was soft.

She felt the waves run around her ankles. It was warm.

 

The Ocean embraced the young girl, snuggling her closer to its vast emptiness. 

Jungeun continued further, spellbound by the waves. Shells now cluttered the shallow seafloor. Uncomfortable as it may be, Jungeun cared not but to push further on. 

The water went up to her chest now. Waves splashed against her torso, temporarily blinding the girl as it got into her eyes. Blind or not, Jungeun kept going. 

It called for her. She felt the need to just  _ melt _ into the Ocean. She longed for it. She felt the pull. Jungeun felt the Ocean was a part of her as much as she was a part of it. She could see it now.

The water was now up to her neck. Water occasionally got into her mouth and nose, only for it to be subconsciously spat out. Waves pushed and pulled and Jungeun let nature’s force act accordingly. It could end here. She felt comfortable. Her eyes looked out to the sea, as far as she was able to. That was her goal. That was where it would end. She swayed forward now, seeing only the light at the end of her path. 

 

“Jungeun.” The gray-haired girl felt a pair of arms wrap around from behind her.  _ Her _ voice brought the girl back to reality and she looked down only to face plant into the surface of the ocean. The water was getting too high for the two of them, Jungeun brought her head back to look at the sky. Not yet. Haseul was with her now. She felt herself being dragged back further inland, and brought her hands to clutch Haseul’s own as she laid her head back against her friend’s shoulders. 

 

“Sorry…” Jungeun whispered out into the air. Haseul gave no response except tightening her grip on the girl, continuing to drag the two of them further back to the beachland. The former looked back at the open sea. A part of her still tempted to swim back and let the Ocean take her once more but she resisted. She found Haseul’s embrace more warming than the Ocean’s, for now. 

 

It didn’t take long until the last wave brushed against their feet as the two continued to walk backwards from the ocean. Silence remained between the two, whilst no space continued to fit within Haseul’s back hug. 

 

Haseul’s hands lifted to cover Jungeun’s eyes, “Hehe,” the former chuckled out before guiding the latter with a couple of steps. “Guess what?” A hint of mischievousness lined her words.

 

“What?” Haseul took note of the rather annoyed response but pretended to not notice.

 

The brunette freed Jungeun’s eyes from her hands before yelping out, “Happy Birthday!” Before the two were a pair reclining beach chairs with a large parasol hung over them for shade. A foldable table sat between the two chairs. Jungeun’s owl mug sat upon the table, alongside it was her tea pot. “I’d figured that you just wanted to relax for your birthday. I think it’s rather weird to bring tea to the beach, but hey, I knew you’d like it. You can just sit and relax all day! I’ll be here to make sure no one takes anything if you want to go swimming again. Just don’t pull that stupid shit you just did again.” She glared at the birthday girl at the last statement before brightening up with a smile and a giddy couple of claps. “Well, go on! Relax!” 

 

Jungeun felt the urge to cry. She could feel her eyes begin to weigh down from the buildup. Her arms immediately wrapped around Haseul’s neck as she snuggled her head deeper into the brunette’s shoulder. “Thank you.” She sniffled out before releasing the dam of her eyes. Near silent cries could be heard, though the brunette was unsure if they were happy or sad ones. Jungeun pulled back, wiping her tears with the back of her hand, “You didn’t have to.”

 

“Yeah, I know, but… it’s your b-”

 

Haseul’s lips stopped moving when it was met with Jungeun’s. She could feel the latter’s tears as the kiss lingered. It was rather quick, but both pulled from the other satisfied. “Thank you.” It felt weird, Jungeun admitted to herself. Birthdays meant nothing for her. But it dawned on her that it meant something for Haseul. She couldn’t figure out why, nor did she care to find the answer. This alien experience filled her with a sense of acknowledgement none had given her. 

 

Jungeun watched as Haseul made her way to sit down on one of the chairs before pulling out a book to read under the shade. A smile made its way to Jungeun face before she turned back to the Ocean. Its call ever tempting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll try to update this every two weeks, as I now have the burden to DM a Dungeons and Dragons game. This chapter was originally TWO chapters, but I think it mixed rather well.... Oh wells. Please leave a comment if you have any questions or advice! I'm always looking to learn!


	4. Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pair find themselves having company, courtesy of Haseul. Jungeun finds herself still confused and lost and Jinsoul steps in, as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I’m back. I don’t know if any of y’all are still interested in this uh... story. I’ve cleared a lot of my own problems irl so hopefully I can continue to find the motivation to keep writing since I already planned this one out. Hope you guys liked this one. 
> 
> This chapter’s sort of filler? Introduces Yerim and Jinsoul since I realized I can’t have just two characters because I’m a bad writer
> 
> Also. I’m pretty sure, my writing is getting worse, more so than it already is. So sorry if I end up wasting your time.

For the next hour, Jungeun had opted to chill in under the shade. The gray haired girl spent most of the time staring into the horizon beyond the ocean, and Haseul would casually appear in her vision as she let herself get tossed around in the waves. Jungeun felt a blush creep up when the brunette beamed her tiny smile at her after surfacing from the waves.

 

“Jungie One!” A cheery voice yelled out from behind the sitting girl. Jungeun peered her eyes, looking nowhere in particular, as she recognized the sound. She glanced at her phone, _3:15_ , especially too early. Why was she even here? The voice yelled out her name once more, this time slightly closer, “Jungie One! I’m here~!” That singsong voice confirmed Jungeun’s suspicions.

 

 Jungeun brought herself up, taking a moment to look at Haseul splashing about in the ocean before turnin- Her feet went off the sand as she felt arms envelope around her and instantly, Jungeun felt herself collide into the sand. “Jesus Yerim. Don’t get so excited.” She spat out some sand before looking at the bubbly face of youthfulness itself. 

 

“I skipped class for you!” Yerim’s hair, now dyed purple, glistened a bit too bright for Jungeun. “It’s yourrrr BIRTHDAY!” The youth screamed into the latter’s ear, earning a flinch in return. 

 

“Ah, yes, I forgot you were an idiot. Don’t skip class, you just started college.” The older one thumped Yerim’s head with her knuckle. An expected yelp still brought Jungeun to flinch again. Nonetheless, Jungeun wrapped her arms even harder in a continued punishment, “Watch what happens when you keep skipping.” Admittedly, she was having _too_ much fun punishing the younger girl.

 

A couple of groans and desperate calls for help, along with a couple of stares from people walking by, eventually got Yerim released from Jungeun’s deathly hug. “Yah! Be grateful! I just don’t skip for anyone.” The purple haired girl turned sideways, arms folded with a huff of puff in a fit of playful anger.

 

“Right, because you actually don’t have any friends.” Yerim gasped in offence, though Jungeun was too busy getting the sand off her clothes to notice. It was all good though. The latter was aware of how social the little brat was. Their apartment had been cramped the past couple weeks. With Haseul coming by just about _everyday_ , Jungeun felt that their, although rather spacious, apartment had enough people but Yerim would always willingly host her group studies at the apartment.. And those studies were four days a week. It had been so frequent, and surprisingly very organized, Jungeun knew all of her study buddies on a first name basis.

 

Jungeun was quick to throw her thoughts out, noticing Yerim look around like a lost child. “Where’s Jinsoul?” Yerim asked, setting her tiny backpack under the shade before stripping her outer layer of clothing to reveal a purple swimsuit.

 

The gray haired girl furrowed her eyebrows in response, “She should be training… no?” Then it dawned on her. Haseul must have invited her roommates. She recalled seeing that blonde girl play volleyball when they had gotten here, and add long Haseul’s hideous attempt to hide that fact, only meant her suspicions were right. She gazed over at the direction of the figures playing volleyball. Jinsoul nowhere in sight. “Jesus, did Haseul invite everyone?” Jungeun turned back to face Yerim but all she saw were purple locks bouncing in the water, making its way to Haseul.

 

“She invited your roommates.” Her other roommate corrected her from behind. “She does a better job of inviting us to your events than you ever did.” Jungeun blew raspberries, turning as she did so. “Wow, Jungeun blowing raspberries? Isn’t that a little too immature for you?” They shared a brief stare, their facial expressions unmoving and tense. Just then, Jinsoul pulled her roommate into the fattest hug, “Happy Birthday!” The tension was crushed just as instantly as it was built. “Gosh, but for real, thank the heavens that you have someone like Haseul. Yerim and I were getting tired of being your therapists.” Jinsoul swung her head back as she let out a rowdy laugh. 

 

Jungeun smirked, “Okay, okay!” Her hand pushed the blonde’s shoulder for that last comment, “Hey! That’s kind of mean, not gonna lie. I didn’t even vent to you guys that often.” Her eyes rolled whilst bringing her arms together. She puffed her cheeks, lips pursed alongside it. A rare pout, so rare even Haseul sought after that sight. Truly, Jinsoul always brought down Jungeun’s defensive stance. 

 

“I’m kidding! Relax, I won’t roast you on your birthday. I see Yerim’s already in the water. You going to join?” Jinsoul’s breath was noticeably heavy. But judging by how her hair was still in a ponytail and how red spots formed around her wrists, Jungeun deduced she really was playing volleyball just a while ago. 

 

They both gazed over to the sight of Yerim managing to sneak up on the unsuspecting Haseul before dunking the brunette’s head into the waters. Haseul’s cursing could be heard in the distance not too long after. “Well, someone’s got to look after our stuff.” Jungeun pointed her head at the items behind them. “I was just drinking tea anyways.” She looked back to the waters. Haseul was now swimming after the purple haired mischief. 

 

“Tea? On the beach? Nah, get out. Go play with your girlfriend.” Jinsoul hawked another laugh at the mention of tea. 

 

“Not my girlfriend.”

 

“Better hurry! Before they wander too far off.” Jinsoul laid herself down on the long chair, letting her skin soak in some sun. 

 

“I hate you.” Jungeun only received a wave of dismissal from the blonde, “Thank you.” The blonde only smiled now and the gray-haired girl made her way into the familiar waves.

 

* * *

 

    Haseul and Yerim weren’t too far. The unceasing waves just made it difficult for Jungeun to make much progress. They weren’t even tall either, she was just short so each wave would lift the poor girl off her footing. Once it got deep enough however, the short girl found herself using her high school swimming career to work. After swimming underneath, for what felt like forever, Jungeun deduced that she was near the other two but neither came in sight when she came up. She was still wiping the water off her face in an attempt to clear her vision when she felt a hand push her head back into the sea. Her nose clogged up with the salted sea and found herself blowing profusely when she rose up once more.

 

    “There’s your initiation!” Yerim exclaimed in front of her face. Hands clapping excitedly like a trained seal. 

 

    Jungeun felt the rage boil up, her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. But god damn, did those seal claps cause that anger to dissipate faster than it took to build up. “One day, you’ll piss someone off and not even your…” Her hands flayed wildly in an attempt to gesture to Yerim’s chaotic nature, “crazy happiness can stop them from doing you harm.”

 

    The younger girl only tilted her head in confusion, “What do you mean?” Her eyes batted rapidly. In turn, Jungeun sighed a soft sigh. 

 

    “Never mind, just stay cute.” A smile snuck onto Jungeun’s face.  

 

Yerim nodded in understanding before letting out a loud, “okay!” along with the okay finger gesture. “Haseul! I’m going to go back to Jinsoul real quick!” She hollered past Jungeun before turning her attention back to the said short girl, “you think Jinsoul would pay for food?” Giggling mischievously, the purple-haired one let herself sink into the water before disappearing. Jungeun could clearly see the purple hair within the clear waters and couldn’t contain her laughter soon after. _So adorable_.

 

“You’re not going to try and purposefully drown this time?” Jungeun felt Haseul’s breath on her neck, the brunette’s arm already wrapped around her. Same feeling in the same location. But this was different. No saving needed. 

 

The entangled one tried to turn her head only to be met with a kiss on her cheek. She giggled softly, heat rising up to make reddened cheeks. “I wish. Besides, I’m fairly sure you can’t purposefully drown unless you have some weight. Like, I read that your body would instinctively try to get air, no matter what.” 

 

“Hmm…” Haseul peppered Jungeun’s cheeks once more, “And how do you know that? You been researching on how to die?” Her question contained a sense of sarcasm hiding behind a thin layer of worry. 

 

“Obviously.” Sarcastic response to sarcasm. Haseul could see the younger girl roll her eyes from the side profile and huffed angrily into her air. 

 

“No! Well…” The brunette held her head high with unwavering confidence, “just remember, I won’t let you die.” She puffed again, as if to seal her statement in the air. 

 

Jungeun turned, face-to-face, to laugh awkwardly, unsure of a response. That was her go-to action in awkward situations, just laugh. And laugh she did, its awkwardness let tension fill the gap between the two. “Yeah…” her head hung down to the water drifting just barely underneath her, “I know.” She swung back up to face the brunette, a soft smile on her lips.

 

“Do you?” Haseul teased the young girl. But even the brunette could see through the facade from that smile. Blissful ignorance was for the best here. A soft sigh, and she went back to teasing. “Pinky promise? That means, you can’t do anything while I’m with you. And you see these arms? You see how their stuck to you? That’s how it’s going to be forever.” Their eyes met now. Haseul’s widened, pupils dilating in intensity. It bore right through Jungeun’s, seeking an answer. 

   

    Truth be told, Jungeun could feel the tiniest spark ignite in her own heart. But it came again. That uneasiness, the same one that Jungeun blamed for the problems she had with Haseul. As always, it won. Jungeun sighed softly with no answer to give. As she always did with Haseul. Was that the problem for them? The girl held the question in mind, choosing to ignore it and the problem altogether. _Ignore it, like every other problem_. Her inner monologue snapped. Ignore it. Her head pulsed causing a wince in reaction. 

 

    “You okay?” Jungeun noticed the intensity had died down, worry washed over the once passionate face. The younger girl nodded with a thumbs up, hand rising from the water. In turn, Haseul only smiled, her cheeks reddening at the sight, before bringing her hands to clasp at Jungeun’s cheeks.

 

    Jungeun hummed a question. Silence filled the gap once again and Jungeun could feel the two be pushed with the current, neither minding where it took. _Only in silence_. The realization came to the silver haired girl but the thought was pushed away when the brunette giggled childishly before bringing their lips. Salty. Both their lips had strayed too long in the ocean. Neither minded the inconvenience it brought. Their attention kept to lasting the kiss. Each moving their lips in accordance with one another, in strainful efforts to taste the other as much as possible. Jungeun sought to bite the brunette’s lower lip, the plumpness of it egging her on. Their hands snaked the other’s body with wild abandon, gripping whatever they could to anchor themselves before carnal lust could take hold. 

 

    A harsh wave interrupted them. Both dunked into the water. Pulling from each other, they immediately surfaced before coughing wheezily, water flying from their facial orifices. “Yeah, thinking about it, making out in the ocean seems like a terrible idea.” Haseul managed to let out. Their brief intimate moment interrupted by a _wave_. Gosh, the brunette began to laugh. The water on her face glistened in the sunlight but Jungeun didn’t notice, too scared to be proven wrong. 

 

Jungeun, instead, found herself dumbfounded from the interruption. But hearing Haseul laugh, she laughed alongside her. “Let’s go back to the others.” Haseul nodded through her constant laughter, a hand on her own stomach to ease the soreness that began to creep through her abs. A bit of Jungeun felt envious, but pushed the thought away immediately. 

 

* * *

 

The four eventually came to the idea of lighting a bonfire, though the actual fire took roughly an hour to appear since they needed to look up whether it was actually legal, and then research the steps to light one up. Then they had to buy supplies. Jungeun felt like this could have been better planned.

 

The sun had begun setting, yellow turned to orange against the early blue-hued night. The fire sparked a couple feet in the air, blazing a hot yellow against the nightly canvas. It stood a modest height that Jungeun became proud of, having made the journey to collect the right kind of wood from the nearby hardware store. Earlier, Jinsoul had continued on the role of watching over their items but when Jungeun had came back with a cart of wood, all she found was a sleeping blonde. A soft kick to the ribs woke her roommate up though. 

 

The two roommates sat past the flame, its heat warming their backs as they stared into the sky, stars appearing with each passing minute. Their beach neighbors had been long gone, allowing the two to sit in silence. Crackling embers filled the void here and there but nothing distracted either from their leisure. 

 

“She’s good for you.” 

 

Jungeun hummed back to respond. Both their eyes kept to the sky. “We’re not together.”

 

“Right… so what are you guys?”

 

“I don’t know.” And with that, Jungeun’s shoulders dropped at her own words and her gaze came down to the sand before her feet. 

 

“Too scared?”

 

    “I’m dealing with too much. Don’t wa-”

 

    “Want to be a bother right?” Jinsoul maintained her star-gazing. “That’s fair. She knows that then? That you’re scared?”

 

    “Yeah.” A simple nod came with that and Jungeun looked back up to the night sky, the blue slowly pushing back against the orange. “She thinks she can help.”

 

    “You don’t think she can?” Jinsoul leaned back, an arm propped behind to stabilize. 

 

    “Don’t want to scare her. Been pushing her away lately.” The shorter one let out a sigh.

 

    “Not even lately, she told me you’ve been pushing her away before your accident a couple weeks ago. I know you’re not dumb. You know that not telling her anything _will also_ push her away. And she’ll crack. That’s what happened last time, no?” Ouch. Jungeun found herself biting her lip. “No offence, didn’t mean to bring _her_ up.”

 

    “You’re good. Yeah, you’re right.” Now she was biting the dry pieces off her lips. “Forgot about her.”

 

    “Yeah, because you ran away from the problem. And it’s about to be round two if you keep it up, idiot. Communication, basic key. Just tell her everything. You and I have seen what happens when you leave them in the dust. Just be,” The blonde’s voice strained with frustration, “fucking communicative.” Jinsoul’s words rang in the girl’s head. 

 

Jungeun opened her mouth to respond but Haseul’s voice came hollering from afar. “Hellloooo! We come bearing snacks!” Jinsoul was the one to turn, excitement readable on her face as she ran over to help carry the bags. Yerim wasn’t too far off, skipping as she held a bag each of marshmallows and chocolate bars. The gray-haired girl gave one more thought before deciding to help along. 

 

Not a moment too long before the four girls sat around the fire, Haseul and Jungeun cuddling against each other through the coastal breeze whilst Jinsoul and Yerim cuddled along, swinging back and forth singing through various melodies. Each held out a marshmallow, tipped at a stick, against the fire. 

 

“So how did you guys become roommates? Jungeun never talks about you guys.” Haseul spoke up, eyes measured at her marshmallow to ensure the golden crust instead of a blackened one. 

 

“Of course she doesn’t. She’s too edgy to tell others about her friends.” Jinsoul sneered at her roommate whose face read ‘ _let’s fight.’_ The blonde squawked with pride, “see! Look! Haha!” She propped herself with one arm, her back bent with laughter. Jungeun rolled her eyes, sighing a surrender before resting her head against Haseul’s neck and collar. 

 

Yerim realized Jinsoul wasn’t going to stop laughing so she cleared her throat, gathering the curious brunette’s attention. “Jinsoul and I are family friends. Jungie One…” she nodded at Jungeun, “eavesdropped in our conversation when Jungie Two,” she gestured at the _still_ laughing blonde, “and I were talking about getting an apartment in the city.”

 

“Wait. Sorry, but to clarify, you guys didn’t know Jungeun at this point?” Haseul leaned forward, interest hung over the flames. 

 

“She did not! She heard us talking about the apartment, the one we’re in right now, and heard us talking about getting one more roommate.” Yerim paused to clear her throat again before speaking in a hoarse, almost dreadful voice, “ _I’ll be your roommate._ And just like that, we became roommates.”

 

“Is that supposed to be my voice?” Jungeun sat straight. Embarrassment having flushed her cheeks pink. “I don’t even have an edgy voice.” She lifted her stick above the purple haired girl, who in turn sought shelter behind the blonde, who was laughing even more at Yerim’s impression. 

 

“Ineversaiditwasedgy!” Yerim squeaked out, her voice high with fear.

 

“Shit.” Jungeun surrendered again. She sat down and went back to nestling into Haseul’s, unbothered, neck. Though the brunette did end up stroking her hair. She could only coo under the feeling of soft hands in her hair. “I guess I am edgy…” Jungeun mumbled begrudgingly.

 

“Come back, Yerim! Continue.” Intrigue reflected off Haseul’s eyes.

 

And continue, Yerim obeyed. “I mean, obviously, it would be weird to accept, right?” The brunette nodded in agreement. “So we asked questions, took only a little while and we figured why not? And then, she told us about her predicament regarding her parents and such. It’s bizarre, I know. Our parents were a little skeptical too. But look at us now! Us three? We’re awesome together. Jungie One might be edgy, but at least she cleans the apartment!” A thumbs up and a smirk later, Yerim was finished and satisfied with herself.

 

“There’s definitely more details she’s skipping but that’s the gist of it. Yeah.” Jinsoul had stopped her laughing mid-story, checking to see if Yerim forgot anything. “Jungeun’s the best.” The blonde shrugged at her own words. 

 

All the compliments and cheesy comments had Jungeun burying herself deeper into Haseul’s arms, too embarrassed to show gratitude at their words. “Aww, poor Jungie.” The brunette tickled her as she taunted. 

 

“Yah! Stop!” Jungeun caught free from her grasp and chose to sit straight again before roasting another marshmallow. The other three only giggled at the expected action before them but chose to follow her actions.

 

Peace, silence, and the starry sky. 

 

It remained so for roughly half an hour until Jinsoul and Yerim started swinging back and forth singing to songs the former would play from her phone.

 

“Hey, Jinsoul.” Haseul called out, her head now leaning against Jungeun’s shoulder. The blonde waved her golden marshmallow in response as her voice was still occupied with singing. “How long have you been training again?” 

 

The waving stopped as Jinsoul paused to think before lifting up three fingers and then went back to her swinging and singing. 

 

“Months?” The blonde shook her head. “Years?” The blonde nodded. “Do you… know your debut date?” Hesitation spawned from her curiosity. Even Jungeun found herself anxious for an answer. Was it rude to ask? But Jinsoul swept all hesitation with one prideful nod. She lifted her chin arrogantly, her sharp jawline gleaning with the fire. 

 

“Oooo! Oh my god! Does that mean, we’ll see you in teasers soon?” Yerim jumped into the conversation, her voice tingling with excitement. 

 

“Shh. I can’t talk about it. It’s a secret, okay.” Jinsoul lifted a finger to her lips and the purple-haired girl followed the motion, her mouth agape in awe.

 

Jungeun shot up, her face scrunching in thought, “That means… you’ll be moving out soon…” All eyes turned to Jinsoul now, whose shocked face indicated she did not think about that.

 

“Oh shoot. You’re right. Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you guys a long time before my debut date.” Jinsoul continued roasting her marshmallow. 

 

“Would it be after our lease ends?” Jungeun’s eyes peered, prodding for a date.

 

“Yeah. I’ve double checked and everything.” And like that, the conversation ended between the two roommates. Haseul and Yerim glanced at each other once awkwardly before tending to their marshmallows. 

 

“Wait, when does our lease end?” Yerim looked around hesitantly.

 

“In six months, September.” The blonde nonchalantly replied.

 

“So your debut is October?” Jungeun quipped, her eyes now glaring mischievously at Jinsoul.

 

“Give it up.”

 

“That’s not a no.” Yerim nodded with Jungeun causing the blonde to sigh and look at Haseul in a pleading look.

 

“Haseul wants to know too, you’re cornered.” Jungeun shook a smug finger. 

 

“November.” Jinsoul groaned. 

 

Yerim hurriedly took out her phone, tapping away at her screen, “which smrookies are with you? what’s your group called?” Jinsoul brought her head into her hands. She was starting to regret answering Haseul at all.

 

Jungeun suddenly realized she never bothered to look up any rumors of Jinsoul. “Wait, Yerim. What do people know about Jinsoul?” 

 

“Hmm… give me a second… Oh! Look! They got some of your old photos!” Yerim yelled excitedly. “Nothing we haven’t seen though.” She continues, pride hanging at the tip of her words. “Okay. Here. Um… They know you’re a former DSP Trainee. Birth date. Blah blah blah.” She swipes hurriedly to skip minor details. “They know about that scar on your head. You look like Elkie. ” Jinsoul only shrugs as the young one blabbers on. “You play the piano? They found you on instagram?” The blonde nodded, her head still dug into her hands. “You’re the rapper? You can rap?”

 

“Lessons. Pretty fire though, I must add.” Jinsoul’s confidence oozed out as she raised both hands to form peace signs. “Lead rapper and vocalist. But the other two rappers are miles better than me.”

 

“Ooo. They didn’t mention your role here.” Yerim looked over to Jungeun and Haseul, whose attention was stuck to the to-be idol. 

 

“Yeah. You remember Soyeon from Unpretty Rapstar? She’s in the group too.” Jungeun never paid much attention to the competition shows as she found them dehumanizing and torturous for all parties involved, but the look on Yerim and Haseul’s face, when the blonde casually mentioned that statement, meant that had to be big news. 

 

“WHO ELSE?” Yerim clasped Jinsoul’s hands in her own.

 

“Chungha.”

 

“From I.O.I? You’re lying!” Yerim’s excitement caused her voice to raise even higher.

 

“Don’t believe me then.”

 

“No! Tell me more! WHO?!”

 

“You don’t know the other two though. Seulgi, lead vocalist and main dancer. Moonbyul, lead rapper. Group name’s still undecided though. Now stop questioning me.” Satisfied, Yerim went back to her spot before the wave of questions. 

 

The sun had finally set now. Night blanketing their world with dotted stars and a waxing crescent moon that shone a soft light onto the four. 

 

Haseul took a moment to look at Jungeun, whose eyes remained to the moon. Not that she was expecting anything else. She did notice that all three of the roommates had a fondness towards the moon, always captivated when it peeked in the sky. 

 

The moonlight had brought out Jungeun’s cheekbones and Haseul found herself planting a kiss there. The younger one’s ears flared red but she made no movement to show a reaction. The brunette did not mind though. The way Jungeun’s face smoothed even more under the moon, sculptured with chiseled features. Haseul kept staring at the picture perfect frame in front of her. Jungeun’s suffering didn’t exist right now and she wished it would remain so forever. To free her friend from the miserable fate that life brought out for her, that was Haseul’s goal and she intended to do so. Anything to see Jungeun’s face like it was right now, _at peace._ “Hey Jungie…” 

The girl hummed to let know her attention was caught. Haseul breathed in deep before finding her words, “I love you.” 

 

Jungeun remained unflinching, already aware of her own response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I was thinking about how nasty of group it would be if it had those members. But anyways! Oooo loveeeee. Yeah, I’m like pretty sure, for those still into this story, that the ending I have planned for this won’t be one you guys would like. I might change though, who knows :^)

**Author's Note:**

> I know the depression scene was a little early, but I felt it important enough to be included as it should be pivotal to the story later on.
> 
> Sorry for how... disgusting? the mint scene was, but I took inspiration from something similar to that happening in my life and it was that weird factor that I think helped create the situation that I needed to make for this story. 
> 
> Also! Feel free to leave comments or suggestions, I'm simply just looking to get better. Thank you!


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